I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it's like iHOP with fire
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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