If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
