We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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