If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
