Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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