wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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