Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
