My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
