your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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