he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
