I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
