I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
