(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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