He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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