I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
