I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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