Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
