can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
