Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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