I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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