why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
