Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
