Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
cat food counts as protein by the way
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
