Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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