I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How external is "for external use only"?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
