I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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