We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
