you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
