Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
