If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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