Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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