Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
