id be glad to
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
