Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
