singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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