if you like me you must not know who I am
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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