i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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