I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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