with your own penis?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
