atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
