Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So apparently I’m into choking now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
