i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
