i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
