does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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