Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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