how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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