i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
