Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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