watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
