just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
